Wednesday 21 December 2011


The only televised match tonight is Liverpool vs. Wigan, this despite the fact of several proper football-playing clubs being pitted against each other. The BOF is puzzled.

Thursday 13 October 2011


Yeah, it should be 5
With seven following on.
I like other ways.

rimmed off

Mrs BOF is in Frankfurt, fighting for her rights - publishing rights, that is. Until recently she didn't know a byte from an apple but the advent of ebooks to her world has brought her smartly into the digital age.

The first sign of this came a few years ago, when her Blackberry started to put out roots and fasten itself into her person. The BOF has therefore been a little surprised that her messages continue to arrive as normal, while all around lesser beings bemoan the third day without Blackberry convergence.

A closer look the tail of the messages explains her continued connectedness, and serves as stark warning to those Commonwealth bores at RIM: Sent from my iPad.

Wednesday 5 October 2011

touching thing

Touching thing, this getting old.
It has a rhythm.
So I can go on dancing.

sucky-babes' mouths

Tonight we heard this from Nick Boles (Conservative MP, Think-Tanker):

 "I don't want to knock ideas - I used to be an ideas man."

(Also author of Which Way Is Up?)

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Freeview? Pah!

SkyTV offers most of the sports that the BOF wishes to watch. This, from their website today, is what they charge for it:
If you already have Sky TV, add the Sky Sports Pack for just £20.25 extra a month

This is what TopUpTV, the commercial arm of freeview, has to offer this morning:
Sky Sports 1 or 2 on their own will now be £24.99, while Sky Sports 1 and 2 together is still great value at £33.99
Quite what "great value" means under this banner is hard to tell. 2 channels for £34 compared to 4 channels for £20 indicates anything but good value. A starter package of Sky+ with Sky Sports costs £31.75 a month, still less than just 2 sports channels on Freeview.

Freeview is owned by another of those sprawling companies with an illiterate made-up name - Arqiva (sic) - as well as the terrestrial TV channels. The company's biggest shareholders are investment funds. We have, therefore, a national broadcasting system with the word free included in its name which is actually there to make a profit. Given that the government has decided that Freeview will soon be the only way to see TV other than satellite, it would be interesting to be reminded at which point we were told that the entire method of delivery of our TV systems was being privatised. The BBC used to output their own signal. Now, it appears, they are in the hands of privateers. 

Privatisation by stealth is an underhand, corrupt and damaging process. Why is there no fuss?

Tuesday 9 August 2011


Not long now (perhaps it has already happened) before these become the Flies Riots, as in Lord of the Flies. What price a ghastly distortion enabling Boris to be Piggy?

Miss BOF is away, we're happy to say

Businesses in the department store Whiteleys, on Queensway in London's Bayswater, have been asked to close their doors for evening trade tonight. It's perhaps no coincidence that there's a JD Sport on the first floor.

One proprietor, a BOF if ever there was one, professed a situationist desire to accept another reality on the second floor, proposing an immediate email to customers telling them that, given its discrete entrance, the establishment would most definitely be fully open this evening. His staff hung resolutely to reality one and, being a fair and honest man, he accepted that his own reality, number two, had been vetoed.

Parents all over London tonight are caught in the horror of doubting honesty and fairness in their own teenage children.

"Where are you going, sweety?"




"OK. Who are you going with?"



"Are you going to say which ones?"


"Please don't go rioting and looting, darling..."

jam today

Memories of riots gone before have looted shops properly looted in them. Clapham High Street, all those years ago, had the targeted shops emptied - and they didn't need bbm to do it.

This is the Peckham Tesco this morning (courtesy of BOF junior). Check the shelves and the number of bottles still on them. They speak of casual vandalism, not full-scale riot.  Given that only the bottom shelf has been emptied, you have to wonder how old these people were...

It seems to the BOF that they should have their sweets taken away from them - or their Tweets, at least. The Chinese can help with this. Delivery is quick and discreet.

time to topple taffy

The BOF would love to claim John Humphrys of Today on BBC Radio 4 as one of his own, an unrepentantly boring old fart, but he is not that thing. He is a disruptive and irritating curmudgeon whose interviews now go nowhere because of his belligerence.

What is the point in hammering the Home Secretary with a repeated question about whether she is bringing the army in to quell the riots? There can only be one answer at this early stage, the answer no. Why bring it up in the first place other than to cause fear, panic, and sensationalism?

It's time that the Welsh WindyBago was sent out on the streets to test his mettle in the real world instead of the comfortable construct of the studio. The pomposity of his on-the-spot reporting would have no place in Croydon or Tottenham. The BOF would be fascinated to hear what happens if Humphrys tries his repeat-the-same-question-over-and-over-again technique with the men in balaclavas.

Alternatively, he could retire without fanfare. Now there's a thoroughly unmodern thought.

Monday 25 July 2011


The BOF loves music. Over the past few years, he has been organised enough to buy tickets for the Proms. Last night's Verdi Requiem was his second visit this year. The first had been a late-night performance of the Schubert Quintet (the plucky one.) It was disappointing, with too much sugar added for the BOF's taste. The music itself speaks of romance and emotion; there is no need to add to that with a cloaking and cloying over-use of vibrato.

Last night was the other thing, an amazing performance. Two choral masses, a choir, a full orchestra (including the BIG drums) and 4 soloists make for a huge and apparently cumbersome instrument to wield. Semyon Bychkov played it at times like the lightest of aoelian harps, at times like the mightiest of Thor's hammers. From the very first whispering notes the hairs were up on the back of the neck, and they stayed there until the maestro gave us permission to applaud, a full 40 seconds after the very last echo of the very last note had died away.

Great music, great performance, great memory. The BOF says thank you.

Monday 23 May 2011

Jump in the front of a cheap plane to get to the performances

The BOF has been awoken from a long sleep by a terrible din in the ether. At first, it seemed to be the proprietor of Ryan Air stirring up the mud again, a moment later it sounded more like a collection of Time Out gig guides. Neither of these sources can be relied on, so the BOF turned over and went to sleep again.

Not for long.

The skirling of pipes was the next sound, intoning the old lament "The Injunction of Ryan McGiggs." This time, the BOF could keep his eyes closed no longer. It is an infectious tune, and in no time he was humming along.

The manuscript to the music is available, freely, at the Twitter music store, while the lyrics can be found on the Sunday Herald website - when it's up and running again. As of 8.17 this Monday morning, it has fallen over, probably under the assault of those unable to find the music store.

The BOF encourages all and sundry to join in with the national sing song.

Thursday 6 January 2011

5 go hunting

Strauss is looking cocky.
7 from the first, then a maiden.
Trash it up some more.
It'll turn, then.







Swann sings

The numbers now look silly.

Nos 10 & 11 get 20 off one over. It's comedy cricket.

Prior information

Bowlers in the runs, batsmen getting tons, and now the keeper scores!

Smith looks ten years older.

Prior does his 101!

BOF wonders whether even the Botham years felt quite like this, and the memory is: no, not quite...

Wednesday 5 January 2011


They look like zombies,these Australians with their protective creams. The walking dead down under show their true colours.

The BOF came back from the Emirates earlier, shaking his head. Watching MotD, he realised that (a)Hart made a save that was exceptional and (b)City were even worse than they looked in the flesh. But still, the Gunners didn't score. That winning thing wasn't there.

So it's no wonder that MotD didn't stay on for long. Moving on to Murdoch's wavelength, a winning team makes a Boring Old Supporter purr.

These ashes are deliciously warm.